WANTED part2

The next day Candice went back to the psychiatrist’s office; ready to bear her soul.

“Good morning Candice. Are you feeling better?” Asked Mrs. Mirada.

“I still feel terrible and I am still worried.” Answered Candice.

“Let’s continue where we left off yesterday. Please take a seat.”

“After my mom picked me up, she found it hard to believe that Stanford would do such a thing. That Sanford her loving caring, kind and protective husband would do anything to hurt her only daughter. It was a long, quiet ride home. When we finally reached, there was Sanford sitting in the couch patiently.

“Hello dear.” He said calmly.

“Don’t you ‘hello dear’ me! Candice told me what you did to her you sick bastard!” My mother said outraged.

“She did, really?”

“Oh yes she did.”

“Well did she tell you everything?” My mother looked at me with a questioning stare, I returned her gaze with a nod. Then my mother said confidently “yes, yes she did.”

“Did she tell you that on the night of her birthday party when you were away she came into our room and seduced me?”

“Mom, that’s a lie!” I shouted, “He is the one who came into my room.”

“You lying little bitch, you ungrateful child, after all that I have done for you this is how you repay me? You repay me by telling this appalling lie.”

“Mom,” I started off crying, “please believe me, he’s the one that’s lying.” I looked at my mother who was now crying also.

“I don’t know who to believe.”

“Miriam, I’m leaving when you make up your mind on who you believe; you know where to find me.” As he was about to close the door he added, “I won’t be waiting forever.”

My mother who was now crying on the couch looked at me and said with cruelty and sadness, “I hope you are telling the truth.” 

I was hurt. I could see that part of my mother refused to believe me. She was torn between the love of her life and her only child. However, I was glad that she chose me; at least I thought that she chose me.



“What do you mean you thought she chose you? She did choose you didn’t she?” Mrs. Mirada asked curiously.

“Well not exactly. About two months after the argument happened, I was supposed to be sleeping over at a friend’s house but I was feeling a little homesick so I went home early. What I went home to see was a shocking sight. I saw my mother with Sanford on the living room floor having sex. The sight appalled me. All I could have done was stand there and stare. Then my mom saw me “Candice!” She shouted. I only stared at her in disgust and shock and said “I’m going to live with my father!” I went up to my room and packed my bags immediately. I then called my father and told him that I wanted him to come and pick me up. 

As I drove away from the house, I could remember the look on my mother’s face- part sad that I was leaving and part happy too. That was the last time I spoke to and saw Sanford and my mother.

“What happened to them?” Mrs. Mirada asked

“The last I heard, they had moved to Antigua and now Sanford is in an asylum there, while Miriam is in the island prison.”

“How did they end up there?”

“Miriam had gone to the doctor to see what the cause of her constant belly aches was and found out that there were maggots in her lower abdominal eating away her intestines.”

“My Lord, that’s awful. How did they get there?”

“Apparently Sanford was cheating on her with a young male actor. It seemed that they did not use a condom whenever they had sex. Thus, when he had sex with his young lover then had sexual intercourse with my dearest mommy the feces that remained on his penis was left inside her therefore over a period resulted in maggots. She was so enraged when she found out that she cut off Sanford’s genitals when he was sleeping. Because he was then an eunuch he went insane and my mother got thrown in jail.”



“Well after my father picked me up I told him everything-about mom and Sanford My dad being the kind, gentle hearted person he is, comforted me and told me that if I didn’t want to I didn’t have to go back to my mother.

He had a girlfriend. Her name was Latanya Rodney. She was tall, sexy and had the build to be a model. She had a great taste in fashion too. She was like the big sister I never had. We shared everything with each other- our thoughts, dreams, and aspirations but I did not tell her why I was living with my father. I spent more time with her than I did with my father. I hoped that my father would marry her- they made a perfect couple and I saw the way my father looked at her but I was blinded by personal want to see that she did not look at him the same. 

One hot Saturday afternoon I decided to take a shower to cool down and realize that she was outside the shower watching-I was enjoying the shower too much. When I was a getting out I saw her and screamed.”

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, Oh its you, what are you doing here you scared me.”

“I was just watching you.” When she said that I immediately remembered about Sanford and a frightened gaze appeared on my face, then she continued,”You know Candice; you have a great shape-well rounded in all the right places.”

“What?” I asked confused stepping back into the shower.

“Candice don’t be scared,” she said going closer “We are both girls here, aren’t we?” I didn’t answer. “Candy honey, I know what you need and I guess you know what I want.”

She said stroking my face gently. Her hands were so soft and her touch felt so good – I wanted to melt. “Candice, I can make you happy.” She pulled away her hand “you want to be happy, don’t you?” I didn’t realize it at that moment but when she pulled her hand away, I was a little disappointed. “Candy, you are the only one who is keeping me here. The love I had for your father died a long time ago. If you don’t want me, I will go and you will never see me again. It’s your choice.” She stepped back. I wanted her to stay but I didn’t want to be her lover. My dad would’ve been crushed if he ever found out. I loved her but not in that way. Therefore, I didn’t say anything and she took the silence as me telling her I didn’t want her. She packed her things and left and that was the last time I ever saw Latanya again. My dad never knew the real reason she left.

WANTED

“Candice, why are you crying?” asked Janie, a short, plump brunette with a soft spot for her best friend Candice.

“Oh Janie, its Paul they say he’s missing in action.” Candice answered weeping frantically

“I’m so sorry, is there anything I can do? If there is anything at all you name it, it’s done.”

“Thank you but no.” Candice answered sniffling.

“Are you sure honey?”

“Well come to think of it could you drive me to my psychiatrist, Mrs. Mirada?”

“Certainly dear, we will leave right away.”



“Mrs. Mirada what am I going to do, Paul is missing in action.” Candice asked Mrs. Mirada as she walked into the room.

“Sit down, let’s talk.” Mrs. Mirada a tall woman with gray hairs peeking through the black said taking a seat.

“Without Paul I’m nothing. Where will I find someone like him again?”

“Candice don’t cry there are plenty of other fish in the sea. I’m sure you’ll find someone like Paul maybe even better.”

‘No, you don’t understand. I’ve looked and there aren’t any.”

“Okay calm down, let’s start from the beginning”

“Well it all started when I was eleven. I had just started to mature. That is when guys started to look at me differently. 

My parents got a divorce when I was nine. Since then I lived with my mother and visited my father on special occasions and holidays. My mother remarried when I turned eleven and my stepfather moved in. He rarely paid me any attention but when I turned twelve all that changed.

He bought me gifts all the time, he let me get away with the little naughty things I did and he always wanted to hug and kiss me. I being a young, naïve twelve year old liked the attention that I was getting and did not think much of it. However, on the night of my thirteenth birthday something happened that would change the way I looked at him, Sanford Jwin, my stepfather.

My mother now called Mrs. Miriam Jwin on my birthday was out of town on business. She had asked Sanford to chaperone my birthday party. I must say that the party was great. All my friends were there and we had a good time. I had noticed that he did not like it when I talked to some of the boys at the party but didn’t take it to heart.

After the party, he offered to clean up and sent me to bed. In my room, I began to get ready for bed. While I was removing my bra, he entered the room. I grabbed my nightgown that was on the bed to cover myself and shouted,

“Sanford, get out!” However, it had no effect on him. He kept taking small steps towards me. He was a tall clear man with a muscular build and had straight black hair that he kept short. Now looking back, he was quite good looking.

“Candy you have gotten so big, blossoming beautifully.” He said looking at me with a hungry look in his eyes. I felt very uncomfortable and asked him politely to leave. My try was in vain. Then he continued saying

“You’re a young woman now, its time for you to start acting like one. It is time for you to start undertaking a more mature role in this family.” He started to stroke my hair. 

“Do you know what I mean?” He asked as he detained my hands.

“No.” I answered with a shaky voice.

“Well let me show you.” He then pinned me down on the bed, wrapped his legs around me and tried to kiss me. I started to scream at the top of my lungs but he only looked at me and said

“Scream all you want. No one will hear you.”

I tried to push him away but he slapped me and continued with his ghastly deed. I tried my best to fight back but it was pointless. He was bigger and stronger than I was and that made me ineffectual. I then concede defeat because there was nothing else that I could have done but cried. He had already taken away my innocence I was not about to let him take my integrity as well.

He strapped my hands to the bed and slowly removed his clothes. When he was finished, he eradicated my nightgown and underwear. I turned my face away, stared at the painting on the wall, and imagined myself in a better place under better conditions. He carried on his exploitation of me by nibbling on my full, firm breasts. Next, he opened my legs and slid his finger in my opening putting it in and out repeatedly, fondling me. While he played with my clitoris, he asked reiterately “Do you like this?” He afterwards emerged in me repeatedly until he was pleased with himself. 

When he was through violating me all he said was “I hope you liked it, I did. Oh, don’t bother trying to tell anyone about this because they will not believe you, save yourself the embarrassment. 

That night I didn’t go to bed. I stayed awake asking, wondering, why me. I had been a good little girl. I did most of what I was told to do. I went to church every Sunday even if I did not want to. Then something like this happened. I never expected it to happen to me I used to hear about it on the news, at school and read about it in the newspapers. I thought I was protected, but I guess I was wrong. I knew one thing for sure nothing as if this will ever happen to me again. At least that’s what I hoped.



The next day I wanted to go and tell someone, anyone but then I remembered what he had said the night before and he was right. No one would believe me if I told them what happened. He was a well-respected member of the community. He was a police officer and a good one too. Who would believe that Sanford Jwin, captain of the force, loved and adored by all, envied by some, a hero in everyone’s eyes would do such an unscrupulous, corrupt not to mention immoral thing.

I went downstairs only to see him getting ready for work. He was calm, cool, and collected almost as nothing happened the night before. He looked at me, smiled, and said “Good morning sleepy head. You had a big night last night, I hope you slept well.” Then he took a sip of his coffee. I couldn’t believe it I got furious. I looked at him with rage in my eyes and shouted

“I don’t believe this. Your just gonna sit there and pretend like you did nothing.”

“What, what did I do Candice? I have no clue what I could have done to make you so livid.” 

“You raped me, violated me, and took my innocence. And now you’re pretending like I imagined it.”

“I’m sorry Candy but I don’t know what you’re talking about. You had a wild night last night with it being your party and all; you must have had a horrific dream.” He stood up and began walking towards me. I made small steps back and said

“No it wasn’t a dream. It was real.”

“Oh, Candy,” he reached out to touch me.

“No, don’t touch me get back.”

“Candy do you think that I would ever do anything to hurt you? I made a promise when I married your mother to always keep you from harms way. Do you think I would be the one to cause you hurt and pain? Candy, you’ve been as if my own daughter believes me when I say that what you’re saying isn’t true. You know deep down that you do not believe in what you are saying. You know that it was just a dream, something in your imagination.”

When he said those words, they sounded so heart felt and sincere that I started to doubt what I was saying what I knew was true. Then finally, I gave in to the concept that I must have dreamt it, that it was all in my imagination. However, somewhere in the back of my head, deep, deep in there I still believed that he did it.



“Candice I’m sorry to cut you but I must ask. Did he do it? Did he rape you?” 

“Mrs. Mirada, I didn’t think so for about six months after it had happened. We lived together as we did before then one night he offered to take me to see a movie. I didn’t think it weird because he often used to take me out. But this time instead of our normal

5 O’ clock movie, we had to go see an n 8 O’ clock one instead.

On our way home from the theatre Sanford took a route that we rarely took because it was deserted, secluded, and abandoned during nights. I wondered why he took that route because he told my mom multiple times not to. He said that thieves, drug lords, and crazy homeless people who would rape and kill pretty women came out at night and hung out on that route.

All of a sudden, Sanford pulled over the car in a dark alley. I looked at him with a confused gaze. He had that same look in his eyes as he did that night in my room. All the memories of that night came rushing back. The memories that I made myself believe weren’t true because he told me so. 

“Sanford, why are we in this alley? Why are you looking at me like that?” I started asking question after question but he just sat there looking at me. It was very uncomfortable in the car. I wanted to leave but where would I go? I didn’t know where I was. In addition, I did not know my way to get home. 

“I can’t hold back anymore. The wait is killing me” after he said that he placed his hand on my leg, started to stoke it, and continued saying “I’ve always wanted you and had you once. It’s time to finish what we started.’

“You said that it wasn’t true, that it was all in imagination.”

“I guess I lied. Now come and give me a kiss.” He puckered his lips and leaned in to kiss me. I tried to push him away but he was just too strong. I let out an ear-shattering scream to see if anyone who heard it would come to help. However, it had no affect. No one came and he didn’t let go of me. That is when I knew that if anything was going to be done to help me I would have to do it myself.

When he kissed me I bit him on his lip, kicked him off me, and tried to open the car door but it was stuck. He shouted at me “you little bitch!” and came after me again. This time I was not afraid to fight back. We struggled in the car rocking it from side to side then he slapped me. My head hit on the car window hard, almost leaving me unconscious. I tried the door and I fell out on the ground. I started to crawl out of the car but he held unto my foot. I tried to wiggle free but his grip was too strong. Luckily, there was a large stone on the ground beside one of the car’s front tire. As I reached for it, he started to pull me in. 

That night I think my arm grew an extra inch as I reached for that stone. When I finally reached it, it was just in time. I quickly through it at him with all the strength and rage I had in my body and it hit him right in the forehead. I started to crawl away, and then I slowly began to stand as I made my escape.

I could hear him shouting in the distance “you little whore! How are you going to explain this to your mother!” then I remembered that I had no way of getting home. I started to feel chilly, so I put my hands in my jacket pockets and ‘voila’ a gift from God, my cell phone. I used it to call my mother and told her everything that happened and where I was. She told me not to move and that she would come get me right away. In a couple of minutes there, she was driving up Claremont Drive. The ride home was quiet.

“Well, Candice I’m sorry to interrupt you but our session for today is over we will have to continue this tomorrow.” Mrs. Mirada said as she placed the papers together neatly. Candice nodded in acquiesce, reached for her handbag, stood up and turned towards the door and said, “See you tomorrow Mrs. Mirada.” Candice had not spoken about her past for a very long time and all the pain she tried to keep inside came bursting out when she was forced to tell the unbearable story that is her life.